Song Fics
by INeedYourGrace
Summary: This is a collection of song-fics. I heard these songs and couldn't get the ideas out of my head. This is the result. A million points to the first person who can tell me the name and/or artist of the song! Please note the change in rating for thoughts and swear words to be safe!
1. Chapter 1

Page **4** of **4**

This is a song fic. I heard this song a while back, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so this is the result. A million points to the first reviewer who can tell me the name & artist of this song.

I don't own anything but an old van and a bunch of crap. And certainly not any of these characters or the song that is the inspiration for this story.

* * *

><p>I haven't been back to Seattle in just over six years. It's strange to be back. I start back at Seattle Grace Mercy West in two weeks from tomorrow, and I have to admit I'm a little bit nervous about going back to work there. I didn't exactly leave under the best circumstances last time, so I'm glad that they're giving me another chance. So, this, clear, sunny 75 degree Sunday afternoon, I'm out shopping for the things I'll need for my new apartment. I wonder about my old co-workers; who's left and who's gone and where they went to. I know that Richard Webber retired as Chief of Surgery a few years ago and that one Owen Hunt is the Chief now. Other than that, I didn't really keep up with anything from that time in my life. I'm cruising around the downtown open markets where there is everything from clothing to household décor to fresh veggies and home-canned jellies and pickles to hand made jewelry. It's really a neat place to shop, one that I never seemed to have time to visit very often when I lived here.<p>

'm looking through a rack of hand-made shirts, trying to figure out what color, besides a bright royal blue to buy when I hear a voice from my past, one I'd recognize anywhere. It sends a shiver down my spine and a bolt of adrenaline through my body. I look for somewhere to hide, but it's too late; I've been spotted.

"Erica?! Is that really you?" she asks. I look up into the chocolate brown eyes I fell in love with so long ago. She comes around the corner and stands in front of me… She hasn't changed a bit. Still strikingly beautiful with her long raven-black hair, fit body and those amazing curves. She's holding the hand of the most beautiful little girl who looks so much like Callie Torres that she has to be her mother; so much so that I don't hear Callie's next question.

"Wha- Huh?" I stutter out. "Sorry, I was distracted by this little beauty. She has to be yours, right?" I ask.

Callie smiles her huge, trademark smile and chuckles. "That happens sometimes around her. Yes, she's mine. She's three and a half, and the light of my life. I couldn't love her more," she says as she ruffles the little girl's black curls. She kneels down to be at eye level with her daughter and asks, "Sof, can you say Hi to Dr. Hahn? She was one of Mami's friends at work from before you were born." She regards me seriously for a moment, and then works her way around Callie's leg so just the right half of her is peeking out from behind her mother's legs. She holds on to Callie's pant leg with her left hand, and timidly sticks out her right hand to me. I crouch down in front of her and accept the tiny outstretched hand, she says, "Hi, my name is Sofia Robbin Sloan-Torres. It's good to meet you."

I glance up at Callie and say, "Sloan, really?" She shrugs her shoulders and I get the feeling that she doesn't want to talk about it, but right now, I'm too enchanted with this miniature Latina in front of me to question it. She looks exactly like Callie, except for the curly hair and her striking blue eyes. And in that moment, I'm pretty sure I know what's happened with Callie in my absence. I stand back up, and a flash of… What is that? Jealousy? Maybe that's too strong a word, but I feel something along those lines and I realize I love Callie, still. And suddenly, my whole world seems to stand still. I can't catch a decent breath around the lump in my throat, and I am frozen to the spot.

She asks me how I've been and I tell her that I can't really complain, that I've made some mistakes in my past and am now looking for a fresh start. I tell her that she's really a sight for sore eyes, which elicits a small blush from her, quickly followed by a look that says "_You're the one who walked away, you don't get to complain about missing me"_.

We stand there on the street talking about all that's happened in the hospital since I so unceremoniously left Seattle Grace so long ago. Callie tells me about some of the new residents, about Richard stepping down as Chief and how Owen Hunt has taken over that position. I tell her that I'm coming back to work there starting in two weeks. She seems a little shocked, honestly, but if she's mad at me, she hides it well. She tells me about Derek and Meredith and how they now have two kids, and how Burke showed up and swept Cristina off her feet with a state of the art lab in Zurich and how it's strange to not have Cristina at the hospital begging for any procedure that even smells like it could be cardio related. The rest of our fellow shoppers pay us no mind as they continue their day.

I ask her about Mark: where he is and why hasn't he come around here hollering at them to get a move-on. A dark shadow crosses her face, and she explains the plane crash and all that happened following their rescue from their woodland prison. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I vaguely remember hearing about it on the news a few years back, but I never dreamed it was folks from Seattle Grace Mercy West on that flight and that I'd known some of them. Again, I find myself rooted to the spot, unable to move or think. Or even breathe. Time seems to have stopped.

Suddenly, she reaches up and hugs me. And that lump in my throat is back, and the whole world stops at her touch. I'm so surprised at her hug that I don't react right away. And yes, I know in this moment that I still love her. I reach my arm around her and hug her back for the briefest of moments until she pulls away. She still smells the same, and she feels so good under my touch. She tells me that we'll have to "do lunch" sometime to catch up, and I tell her I'd love nothing more. I want to tell her how sorry I am for leaving her like I did, that I was scared of my feelings for her, that I loved her and it was so early in our relationship that it scared me to death, but before I could say anything, someone calls her name. Sofia squeals, "Momma!" and lets go of Callie's hand and takes off running.

A beautiful blue-eyed blonde kneels down to catch the little girl as she throws herself into the woman's arms, and she smiles. She's got gorgeous dimples. That's so not fair; dimples are cheating! She asks Sofia what Mami's doing and she points us out. She comes over and slips her hand into Callie's, who leans over and gives her a quick peck on the lips. Then the stranger looks between Callie and me with a questioning look. Callie takes Sofia from her and says, "Honey, this is Erica Hahn, Cardio. She's coming back to work at the hospital. Erica, this is my wife, Dr. Arizona Robbins, Peds surgeon at the hospital. We've been married for just over three years." I can't believe what I'm hearing. It doesn't seem possible that even I can screw up this much to have walked away from this amazing woman. What the hell was I thinking? It hits me like a sucker-punch to the gut. It makes my heart ache as it steals my breath.

Arizona reaches out to take my hand and I blindly shake hers. Her mouth is moving, but I don't hear what she's saying. I'm rooted to the spot, my whole world standing still, again. And all I can think is that I love Callie, still. Then, all too soon, Callie says that they need to get heading home, that it's getting late and that she'll see me later. As I watch them walk away, swinging Sofia between them and the little girls laughter filling the air around us, I know that I love her, still.


	2. Song fic 2

Here's another song-fic. And just like the last one, a million points to the first person who can correctly identify the song. This one is probably much easier than the first one, which was "Still", by Reba McEntire. Just as before, I don't own anything but two storage units worth of crap and 4 cats. A few more things and you'll be seeing me on the next episode of Hoarders! Lol!

* * *

><p>I can't believe I'm in this position again. I know that I need to get on with my life, and I've been trying. On the outside, I'm looking like I'm getting my life back. I bought out our sub-letters yesterday, and I've been moving our things out of storage. I'm trying to sort through our possessions, so that when she comes back (in two years, ten months and three weeks, but who's counting?) she'll be able to just get her things and not have to deal with me at all. And so I won't have to see her either. But it's hard, as all of our things are all mixed together, and the memories are getting the best of me tonight. So, I finally gave in to the memories and let them take over for a few minutes; letting them play themselves out. Maybe that'll help me be able to move on. Right?<p>

I still remember that first night… The night that Alex and Izzie got married. That was a great night. Arizona Robbins came home with me, Callie Torres, after the wedding and we made love for the first time well into the wee morning hours, stopping only to eat some pizza and talk. God, she looked so sexy with her face and naked form lit only by the blue digital alarm clock readout as she whispered words that seemed to bypass my ears and go directly to my heart. If it'd been up to me, we wouldn't have even gone to the wedding and just come straight to my apartment, but Arizona made us go. And, even with my history with Izzie, I'm glad now that we did go. It was the right thing to do.

But, she's gone now, and she's been gone for almost a month, in Africa saving the "tiny humans", and I'm sitting on our bedroom floor, wrapped up in one of her hoodies that smells just like her. I found it in a box earlier today as I was moving back into our apartment, having. And I know that I should get up and do something productive, but right now, I just want to sit here and think; try to figure out how to be someone she misses instead of her girlfriend. I don't know how to do this, and I can't believe I'm here, again. Starting over, again. And I wish I could remember our last kiss. Our last good, real kiss, not just a peck on the lips or cheek in passing. But, I'm having a hard time remembering it. And I wish I couldn't remember half the stuff floating around in my head right now.

I'll never forget the night of her birthday, the one that Lexie talked me into throwing that surprise party. The party itself was a flop. Arizona walked in and started crying. I know it wasn't about the party but her patient instead. She gets so invested in her patients; it's what makes her a great surgeon and physician. And it's one of the many things I love about her. I should have just taken her out for dinner. Some wine, candle light, whatever. But, I didn't. And when she came home again, she found me asleep on the couch in my lingerie. I guess it was ok, because she told me that she loved me right then and there, before she'd even taken her coat off. I'd been dying to tell her that I love her too, but I was waiting for her to say it first. I think I knew that I was going to fall for her after our ill-fated date, after which I pushed her away instead of telling her why I was so uncomfortable on our expensive, fancy date. I've never really had to worry about money, and it's humbling, to say the least. Then, suddenly, I'm blurting out that I can't afford to go out and do expensive dates. The look in her eye when she told me that she "likes the girl with the sandwiches," it was almost too much. I almost told her then that I love her. But, I didn't, because I always fall too hard too fast, and I wasn't going to be the first to say it this time, even though I'd known that I loved her for a long time.

But if she loved me, why did she leave me, again? I never thought we'd have another last kiss. I thought we'd worked through our problems, especially after I told her that I didn't want to have a baby any time soon, just sometime in my life. It's not like I was wanting to go get donor sperm that night and get pregnant right away. Just sometime, preferably before I hit 45. So if she loves me, why did she go away?

I remember all our little get-togethers. She was always the life of the party, singing and pulling me out to dance with her, even though she isn't the greatest dancer. She doesn't care, she just gets swept up in the music, letting her hips swing and driving me crazy with want.

I remember the time my father came to town and threw George against the wall for cheating on me and then proceeded to throw Mark against the wall for sleeping with me before George and I were divorced. Then, in the heat of the moment as I'm trying to placate Daddy, I accidentally said spilled the fact that I was dating someone, not thinking that he would want to meet "them" right that minute. I panicked and spluttered some gender-neutral words, and then I glanced over to her and saw the look in her eyes about how I described her, and I couldn't hide her from my father. And even though she'd just seen Daddy throw two grown men against the wall, she didn't even flinch as she stuck her hand out to greet my father.

I think of all the times I'd be in the middle of some long-winded, half Spanish-half English rant about something or another, and she'd just listen and nod for a while, and when she was done listening, she'd just kiss me to shut me up. There's not a day that I don't miss that. I'd give just about anything to have her interrupt me like that, even just once more. And I wish I could remember our last kiss.

So, I'll keep her on my Facebook and Twitter feeds and watch her through the pictures that she posts. There haven't been many, but the ones I have seen… Every time I see one, it's like an icy hand comes out of nowhere and clenches my heart. Kind of like the floormasters and wallmasters on the Zelda games I played in college. You don't see them until they're right on you, gripping you and throwing you for a loop, making you lose your place. And I talk to Teddy, but she doesn't really say much to me about what Arizona's doing, just that she "jumped right into the medicine". Bullshit. I know that they talk, and I just want to know that Arizona is ok, that she's adjusting and if she's happy. But, I get nothing except told that I need to get on a plane and go to Africa. And I would, except Arizona made it perfectly clear that she didn't want me there. I've been to Africa; I know what it's like there. And I hope the sun is shining there, because it seems like it doesn't here anymore. Ever.

I find myself hoping that something reminds her of our life here and that she wishes she had stayed, but I do want her to be happy. I just don't know how to be something that she misses. And I wish I could remember our last kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This song is a hard one; I'd be really surprised if anyone gets this one, so I'll give you the title of the song but not the artist. You guys tell me the name of the artist. I will tell you that she was a fairly new, young, country artist in the late '90's and early '00's. This one is kind of a downer, with vague references to suicidal ideation… You've been warned!

I have a few more of these if you want them, let me know. If not, tell me to shut up and keep them to myself. I'm always surprised with the outcome of the stories, as I start with nothing more than a general idea and go from there. I'm still working on "Beautiful", so those of you who are waiting for that, just hang in there with me. The first five or six chapters are off to the beta now.

The first half of this story isn't really a part of the song, just some of my thoughts and setting the stage for the song-fic. Thanks for reading. It's fairly cathartic to be able to bend these characters to my whim, especially seeing as Shonda and her team is trying to kill our OTP! Lol! Right now, it's not looking too good for our girls. *sadface*

* * *

><p>You're Gone<p>

"You weren't on the plane, Callie! You haven't lost anything! Stick out your leg and I'll grab a bone saw and we'll even the score!"

"Apparently, I lost you."

The silence that fills the room after she left me is deafening. Sometimes, I can't believe the stuff that comes out of my mouth. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of what I did tonight. I can't believe that I slept with that woman. I'll never forgive myself for that. Callie has been through hell and back in the last year. She's lost both of her best friends. Physically, she lost Mark, and emotionally me. And I cannot believe that I did this to her. I love her so much that it hurts. She's the mother of my child, one I sort of forgot about for a few minutes this evening. I hate myself. I know I need to go talk to her, but before I can, I need to sort myself out.

I take another swing through the NICU to make sure that all is good. Then, I hit the shower. I try to scrub that woman off of me, out of me. I feel disgusting. Callie has been dying for sex, and since we've gotten that part of ourselves back, she almost can't get enough; Lord knows I made her wait long enough for it. So, why I thought I needed to go elsewhere for sex, and that's all it was: sex, I'll never know and I most certainly won't be able to explain it to Callie. There were no tender touches, no quiet moments of just basking in each other's presence. No talking afterwards, none of the little things that take sex from the physical act to the emotional one. Nothing that makes it worth the time and effort. I got her off and left. She was calling out to me, wanting me to come back so she could finish me off, but I know that there's no way I could relax enough to actually have an orgasm with her. Once the cloud of hormones started to lift from my head and I looked down into hazel eyes instead of the chocolate brown that I love, the ones I looked into as I pledged my life to her and said our wedding vows, I wanted to throw up right there. I still can't believe I actually did that. FUCK!

I find Callie sitting at the desk looking at her wedding band. I ask her if we can talk, and she shuts me down. I know that I can't leave things like they are, but I don't want to push her. You push Callie and she pushes back and then shuts down. I know that I need to give her time, but I want to stop the thoughts before they can create some scenario where I'm going to run off with Lauren and just forget about her, because, honestly, there's no forgetting Callie Torres, my wife. My WIFE. God, I hate myself for the last two hours. Well, honestly, the last year. I just hate myself all around. I know I haven't been a good wife, friend or partner. I haven't been anything that Callie needs.

Maybe I should just let her go. Cut her loose of my dead weight and let her go be happy with someone else. But I can't. I'm too selfish for that, and I don't think I could handle the thought of her with anyone else. That's another thing I've been lately, selfish. I love her so much it makes my chest hurt to think of letting her go. She agrees to meet me before she goes home.

I take the time to think of what I want to say to her, but really, after all that we've already said, I don't know what else there is to say. I know I have a lot of groveling to do, a ton of apologizing. But how do I apologize for Lauren making me feel attractive and wanted? She didn't know me in the before. I was enough for her just as I am: a blonde doc who just happens to be minus a leg. And I don't think I need to apologize for that. I know that Callie loves me and finds me attractive, but sometimes I feel like she's staying and forcing herself to be attracted to me. And I hate that. There's so much I hate these days. Hate doesn't even seem to be a strong enough word anymore. And right now, I am at the top of the list of things that I hate. Callie and Sofia would eventually be fine without me. Right? They're getting along just fine without Mark. Sofia is still young enough that she probably wouldn't even remember me. Part of me wants to run, to bail. But, I promised Callie that I wouldn't bail again, and I've already broken that promise once. I didn't physically bail, but emotionally I did. I totally checked out for months when I know Callie needed me the most. Her best friend laid in a coma for weeks before dying and she had to do most of the arrangements for his funeral, and I just laid in bed and pretended not to hear her crying when she thought I was asleep. I just couldn't find it in myself to even reach over and hold her hand. I was so angry at everything then. I'm past that now, and I'm ashamed of my behavior. I've been such a selfish bitch. And I keep doing it, even when I try not to be. God, I wish I could leave this hospital. I want to go get drunk. I think I still have most of the bottle of pain pills in the bathroom too. I could take 6 or 8 of them and sleep this nightmare away for a few days. But, Hunt is calling an emergency board meeting and the ER looks like a war zone, so I guess I'll stay sober for a while longer. I wish I could just rewind this day and start over. Maybe it's all a bad dream and I'll wake up soon and things will be good, like they were when I got up this morning, before I fucked my whole life up.

* * *

><p>"I just put Dr. Boswell on a plane," Jackson says as he walks into Meredith's room, ready for the board meeting.<p>

"Who's Dr. Boswell?" Cristina asks the room in general. Callie has been sitting on the window sill avoiding everyone since I walked in. She's been crying, and I want to comfort her, but I know that I'll just be rebuked, so I stay near Bailey who's holding little newborn Bailey.

"She's the woman Arizona slept with last night," Callie spits, as she's walking out of the room. My face turns bright red and I wish for a giant sink hole to just open up and swallow me whole. The whole room goes silent, all eyes on me. Except for the Baileys; she just keeps talking to the baby, him making those baby squeaks and snuffling noises that they do. I don't know that I've ever felt more ashamed than I do right now.

* * *

><p>Callie brushes past me, and her eyes find mine. The hurt and anger I see there breaks my heart. I wish I could go back. More than I wish I could get my leg back. More than I wish I'd never broken up with Callie over the baby issue. And more than I wish I'd never gone to Africa. It seems like all my heartbreaking moments in my adult life revolve around Callie. All I've done is hurt her. I follow her to an on-call room, and she locks the door behind me and flops down on a bed. I can see the pure exhaustion and devastation on her face. And I want to fix it. But I don't know how, or even if I should try. And I wish I could take back all the words that cut like a knife.<p>

I start to try to tell her how I feel, but no words are forthcoming. My brain seems to have shut itself off. "Callie, I'm so, so incredibly sorry," I start, tears stinging my already painful eyes. She won't make eye contact with me, and it's killing me. I want her to lie to me if she has to; tell me that we'll be just fine, that everything will be alright. I want her to tell me that she's not going to leave, that we can start over tonight. She promised to never leave, that she wouldn't run. But, I promised to love her and cherish her above all others, and I broke that promise.

Even though she's standing in front of me, she's gone. That's plain to see. The look that she gives me when she finally does look up at me screams "Goodbye". I want to beg her to stay. She starts to say something, her mouth opening and closing a few times, then she shakes her head and gives a rueful chuckle. Finally, she says, "I thought we were through the hard part. I thought we were good again," the same words she said earlier, her voice barely above a whisper. "I think I just need to get away for a while," she tells me. I want to ask if she'll come back, if she's going to take Sofia from me. We tried to do the second parent adoption thing when Sofia was little, but Mark was still alive then, and the lawyer we talked to said that there's no way that the state would grant a third parent adoption, so I know I have no legal rights to her, and that breaks my heart. We never got around to doing anything legal about Sofia after Mark died, and until tonight, I didn't think it mattered.

I try again to tell her to just stay, but her eyes say it all. I've always been able to read her face like an open book. Her eyes are so expressive, and that's one thing that I love about her... One of millions of little things I love about her. Her face is closed off, her eyes shut and lips pursed. And I can see that she's gone. Tears pool in the corners of her eyes, and she sniffs and blinks them back. Her heart is breaking and it's. All. My. Fault…. Again. I was never good enough for her. She deserves someone who won't do this to her, someone who won't break her all the time. She's such a strong person, and to see her break like this kills me. But, it's a look I've seen in her eyes before. Whether she goes or stays physically, she's gone. And it's time for me to face the truth: my world is crumbling around me and there's nothing I can do to stop it now. I can tell her mind is made up. She's leaving, and there's nothing I can say or do to stop her. She deserved to be able to go.

I know that I'll never love anyone like I love Callie. She is the one for me. The "Big One". Ever since I saw her in Joe's when she crashed my date with, was it Jessica? Julie? Jamie? I don't even remember her name. I know that she tried to take me to bed, and I let her at first. But I couldn't follow through. I got up and left about half way into our heated make-out session. She was pretty enough, but she wasn't Calliope, so I pushed her off of me, pulled my shirt back on and threw hers at her while I grabbed my purse and shoes and told her that I needed to go, that I was sorry and I left her, hot and wet in her bed. And the rest, as they say, is history. I asked Callie out the next day, and I haven't been with anyone other than Callie ever since. Until tonight. Bile rises in my throat again, and this time I can't keep it down. As I'm vomiting into the trash can, Callie gets up and leaves the room with a disgusted shake of her head and a look that makes me vomit again from the heartbreak evident there.

* * *

><p>I get home to an empty apartment. Her side of the closet is nearly empty, Sofia's clothes and diapers are gone and all of their toiletries are gone as well. She's gone, and it's time for me to face the truth. My world just fell apart, and I don't know what to do anymore. She's gone. They're gone. She took Sofia, and I don't know where they are. I'm pacing, starting to get mad and head back to the hospital to argue with the nurse who steadfastly refuses to page Callie 911 for me. I've already called and paged her about twenty times with no results. It's the only thing I can think to do, other than call the police. But, again, I have no legal rights to Sof, so they won't do anything anyway. She's gone, and she took my baby. The one I fought for. The one I fought to make her heart start beating. The one who cries for me in the middle of the night. The one I love as much as I love her mother.<p>

She...they are gone.


End file.
